What IMPOSTER SYNDROME?
You EARNED to be WHO and Where YOU ARE 💰
Hello my beautiful darlings! Welcome to the last week of March! We are officially in Aries season so Happy Birthday to all my Aries out there! As I sit here and type away, I hear birds flocking, a woodpecker pecking away, I am reminded of the beauty of spring and the bloom of life.
This month was a remarkable month for me. I feel like March brought me back to life (after being sick most of February), reminded me that the work I do is important and meaningful, and that I will always be tested when there are challenges, conflicts, but it’s how I choose to react and ground myself that truly matters.
During this month, it was also International Women’s Day (March 8th of this year). One of the reasons why I started this blog was to empower women to forge their own path and to OWN IT. Of late, I feel as though I have been tested as a woman (see my Youtube episode on the Unpaid Emotional Labor that Women perform in a work setting video link here) and how I had to stand up for myself during my panel event in Las Vegas when the moderator made an assumption about me and I had to correct him in front of the whole crowd.
As we end the final week of March, I want to use this week’s blog to discuss about the progress of women, how far we have come, and yet, there are so many things, laws, and how this country, is fearful of how badass we are that they’re creating laws to strip away our rights and independence.
I’ve said this before, I know some people would rather not be involved in “politics” but if you are a person living in the United States of America right now, your existence is political, and especially if you are a WOMAN.
As women, we have made major strides in all areas of our life. However, it is still a rarity to see women in leadership positions and in male dominated fields. When a woman finally succeeds or gets to the top, the assumption is that she is not deserving of this as she either “slept her way” or is an “DEI (Diversity Equity and Inclusion) hire.” They face sexism, misogyny, and if you are a woman of color, there is racism too.
I’ve had every intention of writing something related to this blog, specifically about imposter syndrome for the past year but I finally settled on this topic after I did a youtube episode called Why Women are expected to have Imposter Syndrome?
I had my inspiration after I was scouting on social media (yes; I do go on social media to get ideas for my blogs and youtube episodes) when there was a reel on Instagram that showed Illona Maher, who is a US Olympic Rugby Player and the most followed Rugby player in the world. There was an interview that she did with CNN and the reporter (another woman) asked her about imposter syndrome.
In the clip, Illona Maher denied having any imposter syndrome to the shock of the CNN reporter. Illona explained that everything that she has she has worked for. She went on to say that she is proud of everything that she has done and it’s okay to accept and be proud of what you have done. Spoken like a true QUEEN, and yet the CNN reporter was shocked at her proclamation.
That got me thinking, why is it only women who get asked about imposter syndrome? Men and especially White MEN NEVER get asked about their imposter syndrome. Why is it that only women who are on the top of their game, who are in leadership positions, and male dominated fields (like Illona) get asked about imposter syndrome?
The sad reality is that society expects women to question our competency, abilities, skills, and our place in areas that there is rarity. That even though we worked out asses off, put in more work than the average white dude, have the degrees and work history that demonstrate that we KNOW our SHIT, they still doubt and can’t handle who GREAT we are that they have to question if we think that we belong and if we feel like a fraud(Perfect example is our recent election and we’re in FAFO season as a result).
That’s essentially what imposter syndrome is; feeling like a fraud, fake, and the fear of being found out. What is there to find out about? That you’re REAL? Authentic? That you know your SHIT and will gladly shut down any mansplaining from some dude named John who did their “own research” about your area of expertise.
So, let’s get right to it. Why are women expected to have imposter syndrome? Why are we expected to doubt our place and all that we have earned? Sadly, it’s all about the system and how we have been conditioned:
Systemic Bias and Stereotypes: Women often face societal biases that make them question their competence, abilities, and especially leadership qualities. Often, these stereotypes lead women to internalize doubts and insecurities about their qualifications, which can make them question, and gaslight themselves into doubting their position.
Underrepresentation in Leadership Roles: The scarcity of women in executive positions can exacerbate feelings of isolation and self-doubt among women who do ascend to these roles. Sadly, when there is underrepresentation, there is also more scrutiny where women are judged more harshly if there are mistakes or the underperformance of a company.
- High Expectations and Perfectionism: Women may feel pressure to meet exceptionally high standards in order to prove their worth in male-dominated environments or when they are in leadership roles. This drive for perfection can intensify self-criticism and imposter feelings. Because there are so few women in these roles, they need to always be on their “A” game and as stated above, they are more likely to be scrutinized and as a result, need to ensure that mistakes are kept at a minimum. Talk about pressure!
- Cultural and Social Conditioning: As soon as we are born, societal norms encourage girls, young women, and adult women to be modest about our achievements by discouraging self-promotion by acknowledging our success. We are reminded to remain small so we won’t offend or outshine our male counterparts. This conditioning leads to girls and women to undervalue their accomplishments. All the brainwashing begins at a young age. No wonder why so many women doubt themselves! It’s time to change this narrative.
- Double Bind: Of course, as women, we ALL have to be LIKED RIGHT?! Women in leadership positions often face a double bind, where they are expected to be both competent and likable. Demonstrating confidence can enhance perceptions of competence but may decrease perceptions of warmth, leading to judgments of arrogance, ego, or even being referred to as a “BITCH.” How many of us have been called the B word because we showed confidence and also had our boundaries, especially in the work place? 🙋🏻♀️
- Cultural Conditioning: Society conditions women to downplay their achievements and avoid self-promotion. Those who break this norm by openly expressing confidence may be unfairly judged as boastful or arrogant. Women are always told that they need to be “humble” and should express that they don’t feel that they are deserving to be where they are, their accomplishments, accolades, or their PAY. Ladies, I say F that!! OWN all of it. YOU EARNED IT!
There you go ladies on why women are expected to have imposter syndrome. I want to clarify that it’s okay if you do have imposter syndrome but you shouldn't be expected to HAVE imposter syndrome; especially if you have EARNED and PUT in the work. For the first five years of my career, I definitely had imposter syndrome and my biggest imposter syndrome was when I started out as a Therapist. I was so fearful that my clients would figure it out that I didn’t know what I was doing and would not want to work with me. Guess what? That never happened! I unfortunately created my own feelings of imposter syndrome.
I know that many of my readers are some of the baddest (in an awesome way), hardworking, intelligent, women who are the best and knowledgeable at their craft. You women not only empower yourselves but others to be BADASS WOMEN also. I know that ALL OF YOU know that you EARNED your place, job, and life because you put in the work and never gave up. You’re NOT an IMPOSTER; YOU ARE WHO AND WHERE YOU ARE BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU EARNED IT LOVE. Always remember that!
Lastly, I want to finish off the blog with one of my favorite ladies in the world: Mindy Kaling. Mindy gets questioned constantly about imposter syndrome simply because she is a woman and a woman of color who is breaking barriers and is at the top of her game. Here is her response:
I don’t feel imposter syndrome and the reason I don’t is that I work so hard. I feel imposter syndrome happens when people feel unqualified for their jobs. Before I got my own show, I put in eight years at The Office. I wrote 24 episodes of TV. I was an executive producer at the end of it and I’d been a staff writer at the beginning. Then I did my show for six years, did 117 episodes. I feel like I’m a real A-student. I feel like I really prepare for my work. Again, it’s not all successes. A lot of times I failed, but I do feel qualified when I move up the ranks, like, ‘OK, I put in my time. I put in my, whatever it is, 10,000 hours. I feel qualified to do this next thing.’” Mindy Kaling
