Nah! I’m gonna MATCH your ENERGY!

To My Dearest Gentle Readers, 

If anyone has been watching Netflix or have read the books from one of my favorite authors, this quote is from the notorious Lady Whistledown from Netflix Bridgerton series where one of the main characters writes gossip about the elite society in London during the early 1800’s. 

Even though I am living vicariously through Lady Whistledown wishing I was writing about gossip instead of wellness, I can love writing about wellness.  Why? Because I get to truly use my voice and be me.  I never thought I was a good writer as a few of my high school teachers and college professors have commented about my writing. Some were surprised that I could write (since English wasn’t my first language) and some told me I would never amount to anything because my writing wasn’t persuasive enough.  As my mother would say to me, “you never listen!” Fortunately for me, I never listened and still did what I wanted and will continue to do what I want, which is continue writing this fun blog! 

Speaking of Bridgerton, even though the books and the series took place in the early 1800’s, there were so many themes that are still prevalent today, especially the ongoing struggles for women.  We are still fighting to be heard, to be seen, and want the right to be who we are without hiding. That’s why feminism is so important. We just want EVERYONE to have the right to be who they are without judgment!

In the series, we also see who stands by the main character Penelope when it is revealed that she has been Lady Whistledown all along.  Understandably, some of the people closest to her were angry, felt betrayed, were envious and…jealous. They were jealous of her skills, her cleverness, and the fact that she was able to pull off such a stunt (especially a woman). Oh and by the way, because of her endeavors, she was a hella rich woman (by today’s standards, she was a millionaire)! 

Alas, my blog today isn’t about Netflix and the Bridgertons. It’s about who sticks with you when you become who you truly are and when you are an accomplished woman who chooses to no longer be a wallflower and chooses to show who they truly are. When you decide to be an accomplished person who doesn’t let fear, unresolved trauma, and other barriers stop you from being a badass, not everyone is going to celebrate your accomplishments with you.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I know that a lot of my badass readers are some of the most badass, go-getters, who don't take shit and NO for an answer. Because you are all queens, I bet that some of you have lost some people during this journey of being a badass. Sad truth is, not everyone can handle being around you because you are a motivated, happy, and no BS person who takes accountability for their actions and their life circumstances. 

Ladies, you’ve heard me talk a lot about my own journey as I also navigate forging my own path. My journey started two years ago and comparing my journey from two summers ago to now, I have lost 75 percent of my circle. How? Once people saw what I was doing, how hard I was working to create the life that I wanted, they could no longer relate to me. When I was still working for someone else and languishing away,  I was relatable because I was literally waiting to live my life on the weekends and on vacations. I  counted the days when I could take a break from life instead of living life and being in the present moment. I would bitch, complain, and go drink/happy hour (no judgment for the occasional happy hour)  was my way of coping.

Even though I decided to forge my own path, one thing that was important to me was to keep in contact with those who were important to me and those who INITIALLY supported me. I would reach out via text and ask if they would like to meet up as I knew the importance of  staying connected. However, I started noticing that people closest to me would start making excuses, telling me that their time is limited due to being a parent or other obligations. Now, I know before some of you come at me that being a parent or other obligations are hard, but these arrangements and meetings were made well AHEAD of time, where there was plenty of notice to make alternative arrangements. 

I also noticed that initially, as a new business person, I would support many other new and small businesses also. I’m the type that would always support someone else's posts and make comments. However, I noticed that the support and energy, that I gave to people was not reciprocated. It didn’t even have to be someone in business. I began to notice that because I was a childfree, single, woman, somehow, my time, energy, and resources were expected to be more giving than others..and what did I get in return?? Exhaustion, my back hurting (from physical labor of helping others throw their parties) and money. Lots and lots of money that was spent on other joyous occasions that were often seen as more acceptable simply because it checked  society’s box of success. 

So moving forward, I decided that I will match other people’s energy. If they don’t reach out and respond, I don’t reach out and respond (it goes both ways).  If they don’t have time for me, I don’t have time either. Matching other’s energy insteading going above and beyond is something that I am protecting myself from. 

Ladies, here are some other things to consider too when matching and protecting your energy: 

• Don’t work harder than others: Again, in social work school, we discussed working harder than others. If you want to maintain a relationship that is important to you, you have to decide if you want to work harder than the other person. If so, what are the benefits of having this relationship? Is it worth it to you? Are you willing to put in all the work and effort? What will you gain? What will you lose? These are important questions to consider if you want to maintain a relationship in which you will have to put in more work. 
  

• Limit your exposure: Some relationships may feel obligatory (family). However, it doesn't mean that you can’t maintain boundaries by limiting your exposure. 

• You are not responsible for their projections: The sad truth is that sometimes, when you start doing and being better, others will be jealous, insecure, and hate you because you decided to take accountability and action. You are a reminder to them about their insecurities; and guess what? It’s not your fault! You just keep thriving and living while they seethe in hate and jealousy! 

• Surround yourself with other BADASSES: Have you ever noticed that the people with the most to say,  have the most negativity, and the trolls are the unhappiest people? If they were truly happy, fulfilled, and living their best life, they wouldn’t bother making trolling comments, body shame, or say negative things about other people. People who are Badasses, who are doing it, showing up, and living their best life, they don’t have the time or energy for negativity. Time is precious and they are going to use that time to be positive and do things that will level them up. 

Ladies, forging your own path means having to deal with negative energy. How many of you anticipated this when you decided to forge your own path simply because you wanted better for yourself? I bet many of you assumed that everyone would be supportive, joyous, and would celebrate the small and big wins that come your way.  It’s a big shocker when you get the opposite. It will feel as though YOU DID something WRONG.  I assure you, you didn’t do anything wrong! All you did was live your best life! 

Your time and energy is as important as money. You have to decide who is worth giving this resource to, especially if you have not received a return of investment in the relationship.  Last week’s blog was all about how actions speak louder than words.  How people present their energy is how they present their actions.  My queens, it’s time to start matching other people’s actions and their energy. Please stop losing yourself to others who won’t reciprocate back to you what you have given to them!  Conserve that energy for you as you thrive by living a fulfilling life full of wealth, abundance, and other badasses who uplift you!  Your energy is your $$$!

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