JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

Happy first week of November! It definitely feels like the first week of November. The weather is cooler, gloomier, especially with the time change. How are you all feeling? I know that this time change can be challenging for many people.  In the past, this time change would have made me feel sad and depressed since it gets so dark early on! I’m ready to cuddle and go to bed by 8pm! 

To me, November is the beginning of the busy season! Shockingly, I haven’t seen any holiday decorations yet! Okay, your girl here is the type of girl who prefers NOT to see Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving; however, darlings, if you are the type that likes to celebrate the holidays early, GO FOR IT! 

As I mentioned, this month can be hard for me mentally due to various factors that  are out of control; however, this year, I have decided to change my mindset to include time, being present, and accepting that some things are out of my control, not matter how hard I try to take control of the situation. 

One of the hardest parts is accepting the uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Now, instead of trying to avoid these feelings, I embrace it by allowing myself to feel, go through it, reframe it, and know and believe that all will be well. 

I want to emphasize that there is a difference between believing and having a positive mindset from toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is NOT allowing yourself to feel bad, feel sad, and not owning the negative feelings that you have. We’ve all been told or heard the phrase “turn the frown upside down.” 

In contrast, having a positive mindset and believing is acknowledging the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that you have; it’s also telling yourself that you know that you will continue to prevail through all of this and will come out wiser, be more confident, and be victorious through the experiences. 

I know that many of you are reading this and saying “But Poiab! I don’t want to prevail, be strong, and be confident anymore! Why do I always have to be strong?” Can’t I just catch a break?!” Darlings, I know. I know that you are ALL tired, burnout, and are just DONE. When I say this, I really do know how you all are feeling. 

One of the things that I would challenge all of YOU is to take some silence, think, not be distracted, and ask yourself WHY. Why do you think all of this is happening?  Your answer/s  may surprise and even shock you. You may like or dislike the conclusion/s that you come up with. Even if your answers are less than pleasant, don’t be alarmed; instead use this as an opportunity for you to assess, plan, and take action for what you would like to change. 

If you all have been following and reading my weekly blogs, you may have noticed my writing from September to October. My blogs in September felt a little emotionally heavier and my blogs in October were lighter and focused on accepting and being in the moment. I would definitely attribute this to my birthday and taking the time to reflect, ask my why’s, what am I going to do with the answers to my why’s, and how I wish to proceed and take action to my why’s. 

For the month of October, as I wrote in my journal daily, and read it outloud in the morning and at night after I did my day's reflections, certain words, and terms would stand out. One word that kept popping into my journal was the word ACCEPTANCE. 

Why did this word keep showing up in my journal? I realized that at this point in my life, I felt that I was being tested on several things in my life to include:  how I would react about certain things, situations, other people, and where my path was going. 

Intuitively, I knew that all the work, effort, consistency, that I was putting in my craft, my inner work, and relationship within myself and others will be rewarded because I accepted that some things that were in my control and some things were out of my control. 

Now, this doesn’t mean that I accepted whatever without free will. If there were any situation/s that I could change, I made the changes. What I couldn’t change were external things like other people, situations that I didn’t create, people’s boundaries with me, other’s opinions and viewpoints of me, and not forcing time. 

Not forcing time has been the hardest thing for me to accept. How many of us have wished time away? We wished it was Friday already even though it’s only 8am on a Monday morning; we count the years until we can retire even though we just started our careers, we wished our children would grow up and move out even though they just started school. So many of us wish for time to go by and in a blink of an eye, five, ten, even twenty years have passed by. I’ve learned that life is a lot more pleasant when you view time as your friend and not the enemy. 

By embracing acceptance, being mindful, and not viewing time as the enemy, my mental health got better, I had less anxiety, I was more present each day, and in all, I felt lighter. Now, this is not to say that I don’t have any bad days, I found a way to change my thinking process when I was feeling negative thoughts and feelings. I allowed myself to feel those feelings instead of dodging them by “keeping busy.” I’ve learned to reframe my negative thoughts to positive ones as I knew that I was doing work both internally and externally. 

Some of you are probably thinking “all this acceptance shit sounds so woo-woo Poiab! Why don’t you give us real life reasons on how acceptance can help us?!” Well..without further ado, here are some reasons why accepting can help you: 

• Builds Inner Peace: Yes. This is the number one point; when you finally learn to accept yourself, things in and out of your control, you stop fighting against your nature, the past, and the “imperfections” that you see.  This will bring a sense of peace by reducing your  inner conflict. You will feel more content with where you are in life and who you are. Now, this doesn’t mean that you can’t work on changes and rather, you accept who you are and will always strive to make improvements in areas of growth. 

• Enhances Relationships: Self-acceptance also makes it easier to connect authentically with others. You’re not constantly seeking approval or validation, so your relationships become more genuine. Accepting yourself helps you recognize and accept others for who they are, which will foster deeper, healthier, and more meaningful connections.

• Boosts Self-Confidence: Embracing yourself, your strengths, and weaknesses creates a stable foundation of self-worth and love.  You know that your value doesn’t depend on external achievements or others' opinions, which builds  and creates a confident BADASS who OWNS IT. 

• Encourages Personal Growth: Self-acceptance doesn’t mean accepting complacency. As I mentioned before, it means you’re comfortable with where you are while working on areas of your life that you would like to see growth. When you aren’t fixated on being perfect, you’re more willing to take risks, try new things, and pursue self-improvement out of self-love, not self-criticism by trying to prove a point to yourself and others. 

• Strengthens Resilience: Remember when I talked about being strong? Well, when you accept yourself, you handle setbacks and criticism better. You know your worth isn’t determined by failures or other people’s stupid opinions of you. By accepting yourself, this makes  it easier for you to bounce back as you keep on struttin after tough situations.

• Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Oof! Did I feel this A LOT! When I wasn’t ready to accept, I kept wishing, and praying for things that were not in my control to change; I sure suffered from stress and anxiety! My anxieties came from fear, not being “enough” or not meeting certain standards. Learning to accept yourself can lessen these pressures, as you recognize that you are already whole and worthy, regardless of external circumstances. Also, I had to accept that everything had divine timing! 

So Darlings, how does this list seem to all of you? Is it relatable to your current situation? If not, it’s certainly okay! Funny, I had so many epiphanies about my journey and current status when I finally learned to accept. When I accepted, this peace came over me,  my days were less anxiety provoking, and I slept better. 

Darlings, I want to emphasize that ACCEPTING is yours to decide what you want to do with it. This may sound harsh and yet, I want to say that when you accept, it’s not about remaining a victim of your circumstance but rather, having the strength and the will to forge your own path. As always, I encourage all of you to assess and make a decision on what YOU want to accept, especially if you have the will to change it. So, BABES, ACCEPT WHAT YOU WANT, IMPROVE AND GROW ON THE AREAS OF GROWTH, AND AS ALWAYS, GO AHEAD, FORGE YOUR OWN PATH!!