BURN IT BABY!

Hello Darlings and happy third week of November! Like what the heck?? How are we even in the third week of this month? I had to check to see if this week was Thanksgiving week and I had to re-check to make sure! How are we even talking about the holidays already? Are you all ready for it? 

Speaking of the holidays, I know that with the recent events of the election, some  holidays may be different this year. Quite a few people have decided to not attend certain family member’s holidays, which will change the dynamics of the holidays. The old me, prior to this election, would have been more cautious and would not have addressed anything too forward related to politics because I don’t want to be uncomfortable and I don’t want to make other people uncomfortable. 

However, after this election,  I realized that being a WOMAN is political. Everything about us has been made political, everything from our choices, our bodies, our rights, are being challenged and because we all are being challenged,  I am not going to censor myself anymore. As a matter of fact, I am going to be louder than ever. 

Looking at my past year, I came to the conclusion that even though I do the work that I do, there were a lot of things personally that I needed to work on. That included relationships that I just kept because they had been a part of my life for so long due to the length of time or the fact that it was expected of me. These relationships became complacent, and when this occurred, it was often tolerated, overlooked,  and accepted because I thought that the length of the relationship and keeping the peace of others was more important than my needs and feelings. 

This year has taught me many things and that to forge my own path in life, I was going to have to let go of things, places, and people that no longer aligned with me. I realized that there were many relationships and situations that I had kept because it was comfortable, I was afraid to let go, going into the unknown was scary, and honestly, I was fearful of other people’s judgements of me. 

Now, as I write this blog today, I can say with confidence that after doing a lot of reflection, being honest with myself, and letting go of control, I am no longer afraid of the outcomes of the decisions that I make; some of these decisions have been in my heart and mind for so long that when I made the final decision, it was done with so much clarity and certainty, that I know that there are some bridges that I will never cross again. 

We’ve all been taught to “never burn bridges” because we can’t predict the future and who we may run into or need in the future.  We’ve been told to treat everyone with respect, courtesy, and kindness. We believe in the goodness of others and that when the time comes, that positive relationship may help and benefit us when we need that bridge to pull us through. 

But, what if that bridge showed you their true colors? What if that bridge unmasked itself long ago of who and what they were and you were too naive, blind, or were  hopeful that the bridge would be safe to cross? What if one day,  that bridge was no longer safe and refused to do the work that it needed to be safe and function? 

Most of us want to believe in the kindness of people so much that we turn a blind eye. We all have been taught to listen and respect other people’s viewpoints, opinions, and life experiences.  We keep giving them the benefit of the doubt that when there is doubt, we start to doubt ourselves and question our sanity and accuse ourselves of being too "sensitive" or “overreacting” because we have tolerated and accepted bad behavior for so long. 

If anything taught us about the election this year, it is that people and America’s true intentions were shown (if this offends you and you are still reading this blog, I will challenge you to question why this offends you). The people who voted for him, his “policies,” and what he stands for, demonstrates that many people in this country would rather choose hate, fear, ignorance, and their privilege to dehumanize others so they can feel superior and keep their privilege. 

Before anyone comes at me to “defend” his policies, I will point out that it’s not about his policies. It’s about the values, ethics, and (lack of) integrity that he represents. I don’t know about all of you, but I have been taught that I should not associate myself with someone who preaches hate, fear, and ignorance. We all have been told that EVERYONE deserves to be treated with love and humanity regardless of our differences, and yet, we have allowed hate, fear, and ignorance to rule us. 

In my 41 years of life, I have come across some people and employers that I NEVER  want to see or cross again. How they treated me, how they made me feel, how they gaslighted me into thinking that I was the problem without understanding my point of view, made me know for sure that some bridges were meant to be BURNED. I am not someone who takes the burning of a relationship lightly and if I am okay with burning that person (metaphorically) and bridge, it means that I truly am at peace with my decision. 

 I know some of you are reading this and thinking, “Damn Poiab be burning bridges like it’s nothing!” Yes. Burning bridges can be radical and it can also be the most liberating choice when it’s done with INTENTION. If you are burning bridges for revenge, without careful reflection, I would ask you to reassess your purpose. 

When you forge your own path and choose to live your life with intention, burning  bridges may be necessary.  Here are some circumstances where burning that bridge may be needed as you forge your own path: 

• When Boundaries Aren’t Respected: Ah! My favorite “B” word! Everything starts and ends with boundaries!  If you’ve repeatedly set boundaries with someone who refuses to honor them, burning that bridge may protect your mental and emotional well-being.  It’s time to burn that relationship! 

When There's Abuse or Toxicity: If a relationship or environment is abusive, manipulative, or perpetually negative, and you’ve made attempts to address it and that person or that environment keeps dismissing you, leaving for good may be necessary. This applies to relationships, workplaces, or social circles that damage your mental health. You don’t need to tolerate this shit. Burn it on your way out! 

• If Staying Hinders your Growth: Sometimes, certain people or environments keep us in patterns that hold us back and we accept complacency. If a situation or person/people no longer aligns with your goals, values, or needs, letting it go can make space for new growth and opportunities.

• If Your Safety Is at Risk: Many of us,  at one time, questioned our safety with other people who may be closest to us. This type of safety goes beyond just physical safety. Are you surrounding yourself with people who offer you emotional, psychological, spiritual, and sexual safety? If you answered “NO” to any of the above, it is absolutely okay to leave and cut ties without looking back. Remember, you have the right to feel and be safe! 

• Emphasizing Self-Respect: Burning a bridge can be a powerful act of self-respect. It shows that you are prioritizing your mental health, well-being, and peace over the comfort of maintaining connections that aren’t healthy for you. Sometimes, the hardest part is realizing that someone who you used to like, even respected, no longer has your respect because they unmasked who they really were and you came to the conclusion that you don’t want to surround or associate yourself with that type of  person. 

• Clarifying Priorities: Severing ties with certain people or environments can bring clarity to what matters most in your life.  This forces you to assess who you are, what you want, and who deserves to be in your circle. This will help guide your choices, which can deepen your relationships with the people, and things that align with those priorities and values. 

• Building Emotional Resilience: Making the difficult decision to burn a bridge can strengthen your emotional resilience. Learning to let go without regret (even when it’s difficult) can teach you to value yourself, deal with loss, and practice self-compassion by acknowledging that you can do hard things even if it’s hard for you. 

Ladies, while burning bridges shouldn’t be a default response to every challenging relationship or situation, it can be a necessary action when certain relationships, environments, and circumstances  threaten your well-being and personal growth. When done thoughtfully with intention, it can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life.

When you make the decision to burn certain bridges, this may have long lasting impacts. At the beginning, you may question if you did the right thing and you grieve the loss of that relationship and some relationships may make you feel the complete opposite. You may feel relief and want to shout “fucken hallelujah” and celebrate that burning that bridge was the only option for your sanity and well-being. 

While burning bridges is a significant decision, in the right situations, it can lead to tremendous personal growth, inner peace, and freedom to live a life more aligned with your values. So DARLING, BURN THAT BRIDGE, BE IN PEACE, CLOSE THAT BOOK OF YOUR LIFE, AND KEEP ON GOING. BURN IT BABY!