DO NOT DISTURB!

Happy first week of June!  I cannot believe that we are already here in summer! Wow! Last week was Memorial Day weekend and I decided that I would take the time to flow and chose not to post.  I am so glad that I did because this week, I definitely have the zest and energy to post. This is a reminder to me and to all of you that it’s okay to flow and don’t force, especially with all the summer events coming up!  Listening to your body is essential! 

As it is June, we are halfway through the year already. I have been doing a lot of reflection on my personal and professional life and what I want for both.  I restarted my blog in January by reinventing myself, how I wanted to share my message, and what I wanted this blog to be. Choosing to be your true authentic self and putting your authentic self out there, can be hella scary, but I thought to myself, “what other way is there?” I decided that I can only put ME out there. You either love me or hate me and I AM OKAY WITH THAT. 

Speaking of that, about how you can either love me or hate me, since summer is here, this means a lot of family gathering, which includes a lot of questions from relatives about my current statuses to include marital, dating,  children, job, where I am living, and my purposes in life, especially if I choose not to have any of the typical status quo that are deemed as society’s view of  “success.” 

Ladies, as a woman who is in her 40’s and who has fought hell and back to get to where I am, I am unapologetically myself when I voice my opinions to the questions posed by my relatives and others who think that they have a right to insert their beliefs to me. They’re often shocked at how shameless I am, they often try to give unsolicited advice, and some applaud me for my audacity to live the life that I want. 

Reflecting back, most of my  20’s and 30’s were fighting for my peace, what I believed in, establishing my boundaries, and letting go of relationships that no longer benefited me. I learned to stand up for myself, believe in myself, and bet on myself because I knew that if I didn’t do this for myself, NO ONE ELSE WAS GOING TO DO IT FOR ME.  I knew that no one was going to come and save me and that I had to save myself, even from toxic family members and friends. I learned that only I could give myself the life I wanted. If  someone offered to save me, they could easily have taken it away. I knew I had to be responsible in building the life I want without others making demands and using it against me as leverage. 

Now, I know that my life experience is very different from others and if anyone who is reading this has received the utmost support in their journey, congratulations!  I am happy for anyone who has received blessings  and support from their family or others to make their journey filled with happiness and ease. I don’t begrudge anyone who has the resources to make their journey in life easier; this is why I have worked so hard on myself and my journey so I can provide my loved ones with these blessings. 

The people who don’t know my journey and just see me from the outside, would likely make a judgment that I have an easy life; and I will admit that I do have a nice, flow, life. I’ve heard people make comments to me, “Oh it must be sooo nice” in a condescending tone. I reply back, “yeah! It’s wonderful!” Why? Because I will not dismiss the hard work that I’ve done internally and externally! I chose this path and anyone can choose their own path with hard work (internally and externally) and being honest with themselves on what they want and don’t want. 

This week’s blog post is not intended for me to brag about my accomplishments but rather, the work, the boundaries, the grief and loss, and other barriers that I have had to deal with in order to be where I am.  Many of my clients first come to me because they are not living the life that they want. We discuss the life that they envision for themselves and most of the time, it involves them getting to choose how they want to live.  Unfortunately, some of us will have to FIGHT to have the life that we want that involves respect, peace, and without disturbance. 

Currently, my status is DO NOT DISTURB and I am embracing my H.O.E (happiness over everything) era. If you’re ready start this era, here are a few tips that I have implemented to make this happen: 

• Stick to your boundaries: I get it! You’re like Poiab! I am sooo sick of you talking about boundaries! We freaking get it!! It’s all about your damn boundaries! But it’s true! Stick to your boundaries. Remember, boundaries are standards and expectations that you have set for yourself on how you want to be treated, will and not tolerate, what you’re willing to and not willing to accept. People both personally and professionally will try to test you and get you to give them a discount. Remember, you’re not for SALE. You are the FULL PRICE. 

• Know your worth: As I mentioned above, you have to believe that you are not on sale. A lot of people will try to make you think you’re on sale but honey, you’re not! You are the FULL PRICE and you have to remind others of your worth! Since I started my business, many employers have reached out to me wanting me to do this or that for them. They offer me pay that is laughable, downright insulting, will increase my stress, and take me away from doing the work that I truly want (like my blog and other creativity). What I do in return is make a counter offer of what I am looking for, what I demand, and how I can work with them. They decline, I wish them well, and move on. Walking away is the best power to have. Remember, you are quality and not everyone can afford you! 

• Be UNBOTHERED: This one took a long time to master!  Once I learned to have my boundaries, know my worth, surround myself with uplifting people who also dreamed big with aspirations like mine, I learned how to be unbothered by people who wanted me to react to them. I don’t react. I don’t give them the power to ruffle my feathers, and if they did, I would reflect on my reaction. I realized that because of who I am and where I am in life, people will try to “humble me” by trying to notch me down.  Remember, people will project their insecurities to you but it’s not on YOU it’s on them. 

• Conserve my time/energy: Your time is your currency! In business, it’s all about your time and how you choose to spend that time. Coming from a family and culture that demanded my time constantly during the weekends for me to break my back to cook, clean, and help other family members for their weddings, their family events, really made me question why I was giving them all my time, my sleep, and energy, knowing that they will never reciprocate this for me. As a childfree, single woman, I realized that I have given so much of myself, my money, and time. I don’t begrudge anyone for their happy events. However, when I opened my business, besides immediate family members, no one else acknowledged my accomplishments and life changes because it wasn’t the “norm.” This is when I knew that my time and energy was precious and not everyone deserves my giving and kindness. 

The above are just a few tips but the most essential ones that have helped me in my journey. I encourage all of you to explore to see what will work for you. It may take a few tries, modifications, but you will find what works best for you. 

Ladies, forging your own path, becoming a badass, who lives her life in peace, will take a lot of work, letting go of people and relationships that no longer align with you, and accepting your shameless self. Not everyone can handle that, and that’s when you know that relationship has run  its course. Not everyone can handle you and that’s their PROBLEM NOT YOURS. 

As someone who has fought to be authentic to live the life that I truly want, I’ve had to teach others how to treat me, ask for my permission before making assumptions about my time and what I am willing to accept.  I’ve to do A LOT of work by crying, questioning if I did and said the right thing, dealing with shame and judgment, and OWNING MY PATH.  If someone were to ask me if all of this was worth it, oh IT WAS; because I am now in my

 H.O.E era and it feels fucken great to NOT BE DISTURBED!  My queens,  go ahead and embrace your H.O.E era! You won’t regret it!

KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS READY TO BE IN THEIR H.O.E ERA BUT NEED INSPIRATION? TELL THEM TO SUBSCRIBE  FOR WEEKLY INSPIRATION!