Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries!

It's the new year and you're still recovering  from 2023 and especially from all the family, fake, facade, smiles that you had to put on. You really don't give a shit about the same old stories that your uncle has told from the previous 20 years.  Then your mother and aunts makes some comment about you and your life choices and how unconventional you are. In the past, you've let those comments slide because you didn't want to cause a scene. But now, something snaps and you comment back about how your don't appreciate your mom making comments about you. Everyone stops, stares, and the room is uncomfortable.  YOU have made everyone uncomfortable. The question is why now? Why have you suddenly spoken up?

You realize that you have never advocated for yourself, stand up for yourself, have allowed others to take advantage of you, because you didn't have boundaries. You don't want other people to think you're mean, a bitch, and worse of all, SELFISH, because that is the worse thing a woman can be called. In the process of trying to please everyone, meet their needs, and filling their cup;  you have abandoned yourself, are exhausted, drained, and angry that no one sees or cares how tired you are. You give your all to everyone but receive nothing in return. You used to feel proud that you were the "reliable" but now realize that everyone seeks to flake out on you.  How did this happen?

As women, we have been conditioned since birth that our role and purpose in life is to give and give. Our worth and value is based on what we can do for others, especially to men and our families. If we don't do enough, we are not good wives, daughters, daughter-in-laws, caregivers, etc. These messages are very shaming and judgmental in order to keep us in line.  But how do you change this? You find that you're finally sick (literally), tired, beat up (literally), and over this shit. You're ready to change but how do you even change? Are there steps? Is there a magical wand? Will people finally notice how bad they treat you and apologize for all the wrong doings that they've put you through?

Well.....girl......I'm sorry to say but no. There is no wand,  people will continue to use you, abuse you,  take advantage of you, guilt trip you, and make you feel bad. The only way to stop this is for YOU to stop this. For you to show people how YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. 

To follow your own path, live the life you want, command the respect that you deserve, the basic foundation to have all of this starts with BOUNDARIES. Some of you may have heard the word before but don’t have a full understanding of what the word means. Boundaries is a buzzword right now when it comes to the therapy realm. You have an idea of what it is but you don’t know how it can be implemented in your daily life.  In simplest terms, boundaries are behaviors, expectations, and standards that you set for YOURSELF to protect your well-being from other people. Boundaries are your RESPONSIBILITY to uphold and reinforce. 

When you first assert your boundaries, be ready, you will be challenged. People will ask questions, make assumptions, call you names, shame you, judge you, cry, yell, intimidate. It’s going to feel AWFUL. You may consider retracting your boundaries because it’s just so much easier to do what is asked of you. You don’t want to deal with the emotional drain, the drama, and all the extra shit that could happen. Unfortunately, to have the life you want, you will have to FIGHT for it.

So girl, are you ready to forge your own path? Do you dream of an easy life where people leave you in peace? Where you’re bold, confident, and don’t give a fuck what others think or say? In order to have all of this, you’re gonna need to establish your boundaries. Boundaries are the foundation of creating your own path in life.  On this blog, we’re going to talk and reinforce what boundaries are so much that you’ll be a boundary queen. One day, you’ll look back and realize how far you have come from being that people pleasing, nice doormat girl, to be the bold, fearless badass woman that takes NO SHIT. The type of woman that knows her worth, value, calls out shit for what it is and is not afraid to voice her opinions. Other women can feel your vibe and aura. However, not everyone is going to be happy that you have boundaries. It will be the former users, abusers, fuck boys, and toxic family members and friends that will made snide comments and hate you from behind (of course it’s behind because that’s where they are). 

In order to be your authentic self and have the life you want, you will have to be comfortable with the haters and others who will try to bring you down.  When you have strong boundaries and  love yourself,  your world is going to open up to amazing things that you’ve only dreamed of.  Let’s get you started by establishing those boundaries.

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