They STAYED the SAME

Happy second week of April my fabulous readers! The weather here in the Midwest is finally looking like spring. I don’t know about you all but I am so ready to ditch my close toe shoes, socks, and ready to free my feet with open toe shoes and a pedicure with spring colors to match it up.  Not gonna lie, my feet really need some good loving and care after being cooped up in the winter! 

As you can see, I am happy that spring is here. However, I am not in a rush emotionally to grasp at anything and everything. In life and in business, I am currently going through some transitions that have really made me face some of my fears, scarcity, and question if I am doing the right thing. My intuition is telling me that I am on the right path even though there are days when I question if I am. However, the alternative is to stay the same, wonder if I could be doing more, and questioning myself “what if.” I’ve learned that what if’s got me nothing but delays and regrets. It’s better to have done it, learn, and say “nope, it wasn’t for me.” To stay the same means to never grow, never give yourself a chance, and to always wonder where you could be if you had only believed in yourself enough. 

In life, we all have choices. Many of us feel bound by our past, traumas, obligations, and traditions. These things can keep us captive and make us feel that we don’t have control about our choices. I know this is hard to hear and I will call BS on this. I know that a few of my readers will think that I am insensitive. It’s not my intent to ever be insensitive but to be real. Being real and hearing the real stuff can be hard because it means taking accountability for your life and no longer making excuses. 

When I reflect on my own journey of forging my own path,  at the beginning, I had assumed that everyone would be happy for me. Initially, they expressed happiness, encouragement, and positivity. There were always questions and most were made out of curiosity but some were very snide and downright rude when it came to my intentions and my hopes. That's when I knew that at times, moving in silence was the best way to demonstrate my actions.

Sometimes, the hard truth is when you decide that you want to change, be better for yourself, take chances, and leave the old ways behind, not everyone is going to want to change, better themselves, and go with you on this journey. Initially, everyone was cheering you with positive words (because they assumed that you were all just talk and not the walk) but once they saw that were serious about your transformation, they started hoping for your failure, made little jabs with their words and actions, and even gaslighted you (making you feel bad and crazy for the path that you have chosen). The truth is, it’s not about you, it’s about them and their insecurities that they are projecting onto you. 

In my own journey and my work with my clients, many people discuss the grief, loss, and loneliness of taking the unknown road in bettering themselves. Whatever road that is, loneliness will be prevalent because it’s a new path. There will be a sense of loss at the beginning. It will feel that no one understands you, you will no longer be able to relate to everyone around you, and at times, it may even feel that you’re the “bad” one. You’re the villain because you chose to be different, unconventional, and refuse to partake in everyone else’s misery. You know what they say, misery loves company and you don’t want to be part of that party. 

The journey in bettering yourself is not an easy one. It will likely be one of the hardest things that you will ever do. It will test you, it will make you do things that you have never done before (like believing in yourself), and you will have to make sacrifices. However, once you start doing these things, you start seeing the results; people start asking you what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and what they can do also. You gladly tell them your “secrets” but to your exasperation they actually don't want to learn. They want to know the “easy” way. You tell them there is no secret and no easy way. It takes work, dedication, and consistency but their response is “that’s too much work.” 

You want to help people but the fact is, you can’t help and better anyone who doesn’t want to. At the end of the day, every human has will and it’s up to them to decide what they will do with that will. So what are some things that you can do to cope with your grief when the people in your life refuse to change for the better?  Here are some tips: 

• Acceptance: Accept that you cannot control or change other people's behaviors. Recognize that you have done what you can to encourage positive change, but ultimately, each person is responsible for their own actions and choices.

• Focus on What You Can Control: Shift your focus toward aspects of your life that you can control, such as your own attitudes, behaviors, and choices. Channel your energy into activities and goals that align with your values and bring you a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

• Find Meaning and Purpose: Explore ways to find meaning and purpose in your experiences, even in the face of disappointment or loss. This may involve seeking out opportunities for personal growth, volunteering, or pursuing activities that contribute to your sense of fulfillment and connection with others.

• Honor Your Grief: Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what could have been, whether it's the loss of a relationship, a dream, or an expectation. Give yourself permission to experience the full range of emotions associated with grief,  be gentle, and compassionate with yourself. 

• Stay Open to Change: Remain open to the possibilities of change, both within yourself and in your relationships with others. While you cannot force people to change, they may eventually come to their own realizations and take steps toward positive growth and transformation. We all have our own timelines. 

The grief and loss related to moving on and  finding your own path can be filled with loneliness, isolation, and sadness. To be your best authentic self, it can be scary because it means leaving behind all that you’ve ever known and been comfortable with. Not everyone is strong enough to do this but YOU are. You have decided that you only have one life to live and you are going to make the best of it,  live according to your rules, your desires, even if it means forging your path to the unknown. Regardless of the end result, you’ll thank yourself that you did it! So what are you waiting for? Go get it BABE!

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